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  Alice had turned away again. She was reaching up to brush Ben’s neck. ‘We had a lucky break,’ she said. ‘When I was driving home I saw this woman out on the road, shifting her goat. I stopped and asked if she knew of anyone who might have some grazing available.’

  Andrew heard the wobble in her voice and it felt as if a piece of his heart were being torn away.

  Alice was hurting. Badly.

  ‘It’s not too far,’ Alice continued doggedly. ‘We can follow the river and cut across to the farm and…and Jake needs a good run.’

  Jake looked as though he was as aware as Andrew of how Alice was feeling. The dog sat beside the trough, watching his mistress intently. Was he waiting for the chance to get close and offer comfort?

  Someone had to.

  ‘Alice, please. Let me explain.’

  ‘No need,’ she said hurriedly. She was brushing harder on what looked like a perfectly clean area of horse. ‘I’ve put Paddington into the paddock closer to your house. He’s got plenty of hay but he’ll need some more in the morning.’

  She stepped away from Ben, then moved towards the fence where she dropped the brush and reached for the saddle. Andrew moved as well. Close enough to reach out and catch her wrist.

  ‘Listen to me,’ he said urgently. ‘I know what you’re thinking, but I had no idea that Melissa was taking drugs when the trouble started in the department.’

  Alice pulled her wrist free. She rubbed it, not looking at Andrew, and that seemed unfair. He knew he hadn’t been holding her tightly enough to hurt. He would never deliberately hurt her in any way and that was making this unbearable. Something already tight inside him was stretching further. Getting ready to snap. He watched her pull her saddle off the fence and put it on Ben’s back and didn’t try to touch her again to stop her.

  ‘When I did find out, I tried to tell you,’ he said. ‘I went to your address, only to find it empty. With a ‘Sold’ sign outside. Nobody knew where you’d gone. I was too late and I’m sorry.’

  ‘It took months to sell that place,’ Alice snapped. ‘Months and months where I couldn’t get another job or pay my mortgage. It was the bank who put it up for auction and sold it for as much as they needed to cover their debt. I lost everything I’d worked so hard for.’

  ‘I know. I’m sorry, Alice. I can’t tell you how sorry I am but I didn’t know in time, I swear it.’

  The huff of expelled breath was disparaging and Andrew’s heart sank even further. A dead weight in his chest that was going to pull him into that chasm.

  ‘Would you like to know when I did find out the truth?’

  Yes. Of course she wanted to know.

  No. She didn’t want to hear him say anything more.

  Just the sound of his voice was too much. The pain she could hear in it. The sincerity of his apology. Saying sorry couldn’t undo the hurt. Or repair the lack of trust.

  She kept her head bent, focusing on doing up girth buckles. She made no verbal response but Andrew kept talking anyway, after a pause that had only been long enough for him to draw a breath.

  ‘The day Emmy was born,’ he told her. ‘When I found I had a baby who was in trouble because of the morphine she’d been exposed to during the pregnancy. When I had to stand back and watch my precious newborn child go through all the agony of drug withdrawal’

  Alice’s head jerked up, her eyes wide with shock. It would be a horrific start to life for any baby but this was Emmy he was talking about. The little girl she loved dearly. The brave, determined child who was trying so hard to learn to trot on her fat little pony.

  ‘She promised she’d go into rehab. That she would do whatever it took to be a good mother. A good wife.’ Andrew couldn’t help the bitter edge to that last word. ‘But you know what she was really good at? Deception. When she wasn’t working in the hospital any more she had to find new ways to feed her addictions. And when alcohol wasn’t enough she took money I knew nothing about. She found sources for things like cocaine and even heroin in the end. She was so good at covering up her habit that I had to go home more than once and find my child totally neglected to face what was going on.’

  The words were tumbling from Andrew in a wash of anger and sadness. Was that why he’d avoided ever talking about it? Because when he took the stopper out there was so much bottled up that he couldn’t control it?

  ‘Time after time I sent her off to rehab. Private, discreet clinics. Emmy didn’t even recognise her when she came home sometimes. I had to cope with my job and raising my baby and keeping everything a secret and it nearly killed me.’

  ‘Why?’ Alice didn’t understand. ‘Why did it have to be a secret?’ Especially now, so long after any danger to Emmy was over. Why did it have to have been a secret from her? ‘Surely other people knew?’

  ‘Only those involved in her treatment.’ Andrew shook his head. ‘Mel was an expert in manipulation. She could persuade anyone to fall into line if she was desperate enough. And if charm and sex didn’t work, then blackmail was always an option. She threatened to take Emmy away and make sure I never got to see her again. I began to take more and more time off work to make sure she was safe. That they were both safe because I felt responsible. I was Emmy’s father. Melissa’s husband. There had to be some way I could get the hell that my life had become sorted out.’

  Alice closed her eyes for a moment. This was all so horrible but she had to hear it all. ‘And the accident?’

  ‘She was loaded up to her eyeballs with prescription drugs that time. Washed down with alcohol. I’d taken Emmy to the park and came home to find Mel in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs. I couldn’t prove I hadn’t been in the house at the time and I didn’t want the details to come out. I was ashamed of myself. The way I’d handled things.’

  There was no denying he’d handled things badly. Alice shook her head.

  ‘You’ve never breathed a word of any of this. It’s been like Melissa never existed.’

  ‘It was a past I’ve been trying to leave behind. For Emmy’s sake. You think I want her to know that her mother was a drug addict?’

  ‘And you couldn’t tell me because you thought I’d tell her?’ Alice backed away. ‘You really don’t trust me, do you? I knew that. You said as much.’

  ‘When? When did I ever say anything like that?’

  ‘That day at work. When we agreed we had a problem. When I gave you the chance to tell me what you should have told me. What I had the right to know—that you knew damned well I’d never touched those drugs.’

  ‘I said—’

  ‘I know what you said, Andrew. And when I reminded you that you’d said you couldn’t trust me, I saw you weighing it up. Deciding you still couldn’t.’

  ‘I wasn’t even thinking about London. I was thinking about why I’d left. That I wanted to start again. To give Emmy a life with no shadows from the past.’

  ‘And you thought I’d tell her,’ Alice repeated. ‘Or someone else. That the rumours would start all over again.’

  The reason was there and it didn’t help. It was only making things worse.

  ‘You didn’t trust me,’ she whispered.

  It didn’t seem to matter what he said; it only seemed to be making things worse. But he couldn’t stop. He was fighting for his future here. For his life.

  ‘Of course I trust you. For God’s sake, Alice—I believed you when you told me you were on the pill and it was safe to have sex, didn’t I?’

  ‘Well, maybe I can’t trust you.’

  Andrew’s jaw dropped. How had she switched the issue like that?

  ‘You never told me the truth and it was my truth. I’m the one who had to suffer the suspicion. I was the one who couldn’t get a job and lost my home and all my money. I’m the one who’s been working here for years, hoping like hell nobody would ever find out why I had to leave my job in London.’

  Alice’s hands were moving as fast as the words were tumbling from her mouth. She unbuckled the halter on top
of Ben’s bridle and flipped the reins over his head. Then she was swinging herself up into the saddle.

  ‘Not telling me was as good as lying to me. You don’t trust me enough; that’s what it boils down to.’

  ‘And you just said you don’t trust me,’ he countered, still reeling from the attack. How on earth had things degenerated to this point? Accusations of mistrust. Of lying. Both of them hurting. The kind of pain he’d sworn to keep himself safe from, but here he was swimming in it.

  Drowning in it.

  ‘And it’s true, isn’t it? You’ve had your doubts? What about the day we were talking about your lease? I saw the way you flinched when all I did was clench a fist. I think you believed the rumours that I hit Mel. You looked horrified.’

  ‘I was horrified by what I’d just said. I’m not into blackmail. I’m not Melissa.’

  ‘No.’ Andrew’s breath came out in a huff of anger. Man, this was pushing those old buttons. ‘You’d have to be pregnant and expecting me to marry you to step into those shoes. I can’t believe that you would think—’

  The look on Alice’s face stopped Andrew’s words.

  She looked…stricken.

  And something clicked into place. The way she hadn’t seemed to recover properly from that food poisoning episode.

  Her nervousness.

  The way she’d been avoiding him.

  Good grief! She was pregnant!

  Alice had to break that awful stare. The silence.

  He had guessed. He knew.

  She pulled on Ben’s reins and kicked.

  ‘No!’ Andrew leapt forward and grabbed hold of the reins. ‘What on earth do you think you’re doing, Alice?’

  She was escaping, that was all. Did he think it was dangerous to go riding because she was pregnant or something? She had to get away. She couldn’t bear to have any further comparison made between herself and Melissa. She kicked harder and Ben tried to pull forward against Andrew’s grip.

  ‘You can’t go,’ Andrew said. Was that desperation in his voice? ‘Please, Alice. I love you. Don’t go.’

  He loved her?

  One tiny word, but the power it contained was immeasurable. If there was any way to be found out of this mess, that was where hope lay and it was all Alice needed to halt her bid to escape.

  She tugged on the reins. The messages Ben was getting had now confused him completely but he tried to obey. He stopped and swung his head to look around at his mistress.

  The movement pulled the reins from Andrew’s hands and unbalanced him. And as Ben’s head turned in one direction, his huge rump swung in the opposite direction.

  Alice watched in horror as Andrew was sent flying. She saw his head hit the side of the concrete water trough.

  And then she saw him lying, absolutely still, on the ground.

  CHAPTER TEN

  ANDREW lay, crumpled on one side. So still that Alice thought he must be dead.

  With an anguished cry, she threw her leg over Ben’s rump and slid to the ground with a bone-jarring thump. She pushed at her horse.

  ‘Move, Ben! Get out of the way. Oh, God! What have we done?’

  Dropping to her knees, so close to Andrew she was touching his back with her thighs, she bent over him.

  Was he breathing?

  Yes.

  ‘Andrew? Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?’

  There was no movement on his face that she could discern. Alice placed trembling fingers on the side of his neck to feel for a pulse. She cupped the back of his head with her other hand and she could feel the warm stickiness of blood.

  She’d seen him hit his head on the trough and now he was unconscious, with a head injury that could, potentially, be fatal.

  The breath Alice had been unaware of holding came out in a sob. As carefully as she could, she examined his head without moving him. To have hit his head hard enough to knock him out meant there was a possibility of a neck injury as well. If she twisted his cervical spine, she could paralyse him for life. Or, worse, kill him. He was breathing and his pulse was steady and strong so there was no urgency to move him.

  He was, in fact, lying in an almost perfect textbook recovery position. Alice slid her fingers through his hair, pressing onto his scalp to see if there were any spongy areas that could indicate a skull fracture. All she found, however, was the laceration that was bleeding copiously. She pressed her bare hand to the wound to try and control the bleeding with pressure.

  With her other hand, she stroked his face. Touching his forehead and cheek and—very gently—his closed eyelids.

  He loved her.

  As much as this? Enough to feel that her life would be over if he wasn’t alive and part of it any more?

  He loved her and he trusted her. She knew that he trusted her. This whole confrontation had come about because of nothing more than her wounded pride. The fact that he hadn’t told her why he believed she had been innocent of the charge of stealing drugs.

  What did it matter?

  She’d thought she’d been so hard done by, losing her job and that deposit on the apartment. Having to come home and start again, but it was nothing compared to what Andrew had gone through. Discovering the woman he’d married was a drug addict. Watching his helpless newborn suffering through withdrawal symptoms.

  It would have torn him apart and, because of what made him the man Alice loved so much, he wouldn’t have abandoned his marriage or Melissa. He would have done his utmost to help. To support her through any rehabilitation process. To pick up the pieces and try again. And again.

  What was really amazing was that he’d believed in Alice enough to start a new relationship.

  He had trusted her that much and she had just thrown it back in his face.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Alice whispered. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

  He’d come here, with Emmy, to start a whole new life. Of course he hadn’t wanted to rake over such a miserable part of his past. They had agreed to leave it behind and she had been a more than willing accomplice.

  If he’d told her about Melissa she would have wanted to know it all.

  Now she did know it all and all she wanted to do was put it all behind them and start again.

  ‘Please…’ she heard herself say out loud.

  Please let them have the chance to do exactly that.

  ‘Please, Andrew. You have to be all right. I love you, too. I love you so much.’

  Blinded by the tears filling her eyes, Alice didn’t see the moment when Andrew’s eyelids flickered open.

  ‘I love you,’ he said hoarsely.

  ‘Ohh…‘Alice blinked hard. She scrubbed at her face with her hand and tried to take in a deep breath. ‘Don’t move. You hit your head.’

  ‘I’m okay.’ But Andrew was frowning as he focused. ‘You…you’ve got blood on your face.’

  ‘Have I?’ Automatically, Alice raised her hand to touch her face and then she realised why the blood was there. ‘It’s your blood,’ she told Andrew. ‘You’ve cut your head.’

  His eyes drifted shut. ‘You should have gloves on,’ he murmured.

  Alice’s voice wobbled. ‘I don’t need them.’

  She didn’t. For the same reason they had known it was safe to have unprotected sex. The trust thing.

  And she’d accused him of not trusting her.

  She’d said she couldn’t trust him because he’d lied to her.

  Alice needed to ask Andrew questions to try and assess his condition but, for the moment, her throat was way too tight to allow her to utter a single word.

  Andrew opened his eyes again. His voice was stronger this time.

  ‘I love you, Alice Palmer.’

  ‘I love you, too.’

  Andrew smiled. ‘Kiss me, then, babe.’

  Alice bent down and touched his lips. Just a soft, brief press against her own. Andrew made a groaning sound as she lifted her head.

  ‘Oh, God! Did I hurt you?’

  ‘No.’

  �
�What is it, then?’

  ‘I needed a proper kiss.’

  Something very close to laughter broke from Alice. ‘What you need, my love, is an ambulance. A C collar. Probably an MRI scan of your head.’

  ‘No.’ Andrew’s head moved in a side to side motion.

  ‘Don’t do that!’ Alice pleaded. ‘Stay still.’

  ‘But I’m all right. I’ve just had a bump on the head and I’m feeling better all the time. I don’t have any pain in my neck. I can wiggle all my fingers and toes, see?’

  He demonstrated. ‘Now, let me sit up.’

  Reluctantly, Alice helped him into a sitting position and then watched him turn his head from one side to the other and then tilt it up and down.

  ‘No pain,’ he declared.

  ‘What about your head?’

  ‘That is a bit tender.’ Andrew felt his scalp. ‘Hmm. Good-sized egg, isn’t it?’

  ‘It’s all my fault,’ Alice said. ‘I shouldn’t have tried to ride away like that.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have been stupid enough to try and hang onto your reins. It’s just as much my own fault. I’m sorry, Alice.’

  ‘Not as sorry as I am.’

  ‘I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to find where you’d gone, back then. I knew it was wrong to leave things like that. I knew I’d only done enough to stop me feeling too guilty. I…was relieved I didn’t find you.’

  ‘Of course you were. You had more than enough to deal with in your life.’

  ‘I didn’t know, then, did I?’

  Alice was confused. ‘Know what?’

  ‘That I would fall in love with you. Did I tell you that I love you?’

  ‘Several times.’ Alice gave him a thoughtful glance. ‘Repetitive speech pattern. I think you’ve got a concussion.’

  ‘I can prove my GCS is just fine. Ask me what day it is.’